Monday, October 24, 2011

Call Center Jokes

Needless to elaborate, here are some of my favorite call center jokes:

Definition of terms:

1) Active Socially - Drinks a lot
2) Careful Thinker - Won’t make a decision
3) Uses Logic on Difficult jobs - Gets someone else to do it
4) Expresses Themselves Well - Speaks English
5) Prairie dogging - where people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on from the cubicles

The Visayan Caller

Local client so mostly pinoy callers, usually from visayas…
Cust: hiillo! wala kasi yung bell ng pon namin???
Call center Agent: Hindi naman po ba nabagsak yung phone?
Cust: Hende naman…
Call center Agent: Kailan pa po ito nagsimula?
Cust: Ang alen?
Call center Agent: .Na hindi po nagri-ring yung phone?
Cust: Nagre-reng naman ah?!
Call center Agent: Di ba wala pong ring?
Cust: Hende! yong BELL!.. yong lestahan nong babayaran namin!!!
Call center Agent: aahhh… yung BILL?!!!
(hende kase nagve-verefie mabote… tsk, tsk, tsk…)

Cannot Access the Web

Agent: Can you click in to the address bar and type please?
Customer: I’ve don’t this already and it didn’t work.
Agent: Will you do it again for me anyway?
Customer: Alright.
Agent: W-W-W-DOT-G-O-O-G-L-E-DOT-C-O-M and now press “enter”.
Customer: Oh, you have to press “enter”?

[fourth slide] " It really is like that boss since all of them are already demotivated."

Hiring Process

Applicant: The call center is a booming industry for the past few days
and I want to part of that boom! (sumabog ka sana!)

Secret Soup Ingredient

Conversation between a CSR at a Mobile Company in Caribbean
Agent: (pleasantly) Good-day, how may I assist?
Customer: (in heavy dialect)  Morning Ma'am, I have a problem, can you help me?
Agent: Sure, delighted to assist; please let me know how I can help.
Customer: Ma'am, I was cooking a big pot of Red Pea Soup and I had my cell phone in my bosom (in bra) and I realized that it not in my bosom anymore so I started to look for the phone Ma'am then I think back and the last I had it was over the pot... (pause from customer)
Agent: Hello?  Please do continue, what happened?
Customer: Yes, the peas in the pot was pressuring Ma'am, so I took the pot off the stove Ma'am and I took me long spoon and started stirring the pot to ensure the peas ok and I realize that the phone was pressuring into the pot for 30 minutes.  Now I don’t know what to do, please tell me how you can help me.
Agent: Well the phone may be water damaged, I'm not sure if it will still work my dear, since it was in the pot pressuring for 30 minutes you may need to take to the repair centre, which will be……
Customer: (interjects) Ma'am, don’t care 'bout the phone, that can pass.  Is the Red Pea Soup still good to eat? Don't have any more time to cook a pot of soup again.  Ma'am, do please tell me the soup not can still 'eat'?
Agent: (long pause…mutes the call...dying of laughter)  I’m not sure, perhaps you may confirm with a doctor if it still healthy to eat??
Customer: I eat it, it taste even sweeter so I will try my luck!  Take care, have a good day Ma'am, thanks.
Agent: Sure, you too!  Have a good day.

[fourth slide] "Bwahahaha, I pity this guy if he's here in the Philippines (Ti te is a slang for P_ _ _ _)."

Computer Geek

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer "No."
Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
A few minutes later......
Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,canyou see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"


Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about".
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before
cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think it means the telephone point on the wall".

[first slide] Gosh, there is already a convenience store here on the floor. What else is next??
[third slide] boss:  What's this? A beauty parlor also?
boy 2: Boss... Want to straighten your hair?

I only use the bathroom!

Tech Support: "O.K. Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm Not going to do that!"

If you have more of those call center jokes, please do share them on the comment box!

1 comment:

  1. Haha, these are hilarious. I've been working in a call centre service job for about 18 months now, yet to experience anything quite as funny as these, but they definitely brightened up my day, thanks!